My two teenagers tend to occupy my thoughts throughout the day. I only have a few short years left to really “parent” them and make a significant impact in their lives. When I want to do something for them to make their lives easier I have to ask myself… am I doing this because I want to feel needed? Is this contributing to my goal of the man and the woman I pray for them to become? Oh…… how that’s a tough one sometimes. Motherhood is such a thankless job while also the most important job we, as women, can have. We are molding and shaping our little humans, whether we realize it or not, into the husbands and wives they will become…. and into the type of parent they will become. It is also shaping the type of leader, co-worker, friend they will be and how they will contribute to our society and this world as a whole. So I often have to remind myself of this and ensure that I’m an excellent example for them to follow and I’m not just being “needy” in my own way.
Are you always doing things for your kids, like cleaning their room, fixing hair, picking out clothes, cooking ALL of their meals, doing their laundry? Is this out of a need to feel wanted? Or maybe out of convenience? I’m challenged with this on a daily basis. I love to “baby” my kids, do things for them….it makes me feel like I am being a great mom. But the truth is, I’m not. Before my husband came into our lives, I imagined the perfect husband. I imagined the things he would do for his wife, his children and our home and then I set to instill those things in my son on my own as a single parent. I made certain that NO MAN would enter my children’s lives if he did not possess these qualities. I must say, God blessed me with one amazing man, husband and father. As for my daughter, I thought of all the things I wasn’t and should have been in order to make better choices and provide them with a better life early on.
Who are you raising your son up to be?
My son is involved in meal planning, preparation and cooking. He knows how to clean a bathroom and do his own laundry. He knows how to solve his own problems and knows that he can come to me for advise, not a scolding or demands. He knows how to take care of his own body and clean up after himself. He knows how to “listen” to his body to tell him when he’s had enough to eat or when it’s wise to see to the doctor. He knows the importance of flowers to a special girl, to give heart felt compliments, to hold hands and open doors. He knows the value in listening. To always be gentle and caring to the opposite sex. He also knows that his heart will one day be broken so badly that the hurt will feel like it could last forever. He knows that it won’t last. He knows that not everyone he falls in love with will be his perfect match and that’s ok. Not everyone will treat him the way he deserves to be treated. He knows the consequences of sex before marriage… reminded to him as EVERY opportunity arises so as not to nag him but provide with real life scenarios and consequences. He knows how to stand up for himself and for others. He knows how to risk a friendship in order to help save that friend. He knows to be careful in choosing who to date, to look for certain behaviors and traits. He knows to accept all of this as lessons that God is putting in his life to direct him down the road of God’s desire. He knows how to save and balance his checkbook. He knows the value of hard work.
He’s aware of my past mistakes, as a teenager and as an adult. As difficult as that can be I must understand there are valuable lessons there to be learned. It’s part of my purpose. He knows in great detail the difficulty, stress and heartache of single parenting. He’s comfortable talking to me and asking questions most young men his age would never ask their mother. He tells me when friends are experimenting with drugs, hurting themselves and going too far with girls. He’s knows I will be honest, will provide advise when needed, will never judge him and will help guide him through choices and decisions. He’s fully of aware of the addictions in our family, hereditary behaviors passed down from generation to generation. The death and destruction it has caused along the way. My son will not go through his life with blinders on. He is prepared before the pressure hunts him down. He uses this to guide his decisions as he travels though his high school years.
He’s part of a loving and encouraging family. He thrives and treats others the same. He is caring, concerned and loving. He knows how to laugh and to get others to laugh. He has a huge heart. He knows the importance and power of prayer and a relationship with God.
The greatest gift I could ever receive as a mother is seeing him thrive as an amazing husband and father. This is my goal as a mother and the gift I wish to provide to my future daughter-in-law and my future grandchildren and great grand children. It is truly a legacy that will pass on to generations. I must remember this always when my need to “baby” him creeps up on me.
Who are you raising your daughter up to be?
My daughter has learned all of the above right along with her older brother. She is comfortable in sharing things with me that she sees or hears her friends doing. She brings up their poor decisions and their consequences on her own. She asks for advise. She is confident and strong. She is comfortable in her own body and with her own sense of humor. She understands that her value is based on the love God has for her and not the opinion of others or whether or not she has a boyfriend. She knows that her body is sacred and a gift for her future husband. She knows how to demand and expect respect from others while still showing her girly side. She is a fighter for any and all injustice and is not afraid to voice her opinion and stand up for others no matter what the cost. She knows she is beautiful with or without makeup and high end clothes. It’s all is how she feels about herself and her level of confidence. Her goals and dreams outweigh gossip, girl drama and boys. She expects to be treated a certain way by the opposite sex and will not settle. It doesn’t matter to her if that means she’ll be alone for a while…because she knows she is deserving and worth it.
She knows how to stand up to a bully and fight with her words. She is caring and loving, full of character, heart and passion. She is gifted with so many skills that will make her a great wife and mother. She loves being a part of this family and caring for others. She knows the importance of prayer and the joy of giving back to others. She loves and comforts all animals and some insects. She’s not afraid to get dirty and learn new things. She knows how to cook for herself and others. She knows how to take care of herself and her responsibilities. She knows the value of being thrifty and saving money. She also loves to dress in pretty clothes and have her hair fixed just right. She is creative and artistic. She loves to laugh and has no problem laughing at her self. She brightens any room. She knows the importance and power of prayer.
One day she will be an amazing wife to the man of her dreams. She will keep him on his toes, life will never be boring, she will make him laugh, she will motivate him and will stand up and fight for her family at all costs. The love she provides them all will last for generations. She’s always been my hero, the type of girl I always wished to be.
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