Why YOU Matter
I found myself in a terrible funk yesterday which has carried through to today. I am feeling such a heavy burden in my heart that I just needed to sit down and write.
I fix my kids breakfast each morning while they are showering and getting ready for school and yesterday morning I decided to turn on the news. There I learned that a local teacher and single mom of two had been found dead and her boyfriend, under arrest, had confessed to the crime. The boyfriend states in his confession that the two of them had a fight in an out-of-state motel room. The fight turned physical and in her attempts to defend herself he knocked her unconscious. He stuffed her in his car and drove to a secluded area and waited for her to wake up. Once she did, he continued to beat her and then tied a rope around her neck and dragged her with his car until she was dead.
The horrific crime itself, two little kids left without a mother, a classroom and a community shaken, bothers me to no end. What is continuing to rattle me throughout the day is that the anger and physical abuse from this man could not have possibly been a first time experience. I am rattled by the thoughts of other single moms feeling so alone that tolerating even a single threat of abuse, would continue to stay with such a low life of a man but it happens day in and day out. Her death is sadly not the first of its kind nor rare in its form. Shows like The Bachelor, although entertaining, show the world the extent to which a woman will tolerate a man’s unacceptable behavior in hopes of gaining his approval and attention. The missing persons reports and stories in the news each week reflect a more grisly picture of what women will tolerate behind closed doors. Why? Why do these ladies think they do not matter enough to deserve better?
To all the single moms whom I hold so dear to my heart, if you’re in a risky relationship I would like to share something with you…
God does indeed place certain people in our lives for one reason or another. He has also graciously given each of us free will. I can assure you that a violent and abusive man is NOT a gift from God. God would never deliver such a man into your life. You may have many justifiable reasons, excuses for his behavior towards you, you may blame yourself or maybe you think you’re not good enough or deserving of better, maybe it’s financial reasons or maybe you feel lonely without someone. Maybe you think your children need a father figure and he is better than not having one at all. But just by keeping him around means you are closing doors of opportunity for God to bring your soul mate into your life and most importantly you are putting you and your kids lives at risk.
You DO matter and this is just a few of the reasons why:
- You matter because your shoulders are carrying the most precious and magnificent responsibilities in all the world. Do you realize that? There is only one thing that ranks highest in all the world and that is a human life. And you, my beautiful soul, are raising and influencing one. What you do and what you don’t do, matters. Who you bring into your lives and who you don’t bring into your lives, matters. You will mold and shape who this child will be and the impact they will make on this world. Your parenting will determine the type of parent your child will be, ultimately impacting generations and generations. It is a thankless job, I know. But do you realize how truly important you are?
Romans 5:3-5 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
- You matter because God chose YOU to be a mother. It is not only a gift from God but a God-given privilege that should never be taken lightly. An old Jewish proverb states; God could not be everywhere, and therefore He made mothers. Therefore, you are to lead the way. Being a single mother automatically puts you in a leadership role in your household. A leader running a multi-million dollar corporation would not allow discord, physical abuse and mental abuse. A leader exudes respect, confidence and strength. You are a leader of something much more valuable…human beings. YOU were chosen by God to mother these children, when thinking of yourself the way Christ sees you, how could you not be oozing with confidence, self-worth and self-respect? If you admit this is a personal area that could use some improvement then why not start now? You have nothing to lose but EVERYTHING to gain! Psalms 127:3 – Lo, children are a heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. Get connected at church, start a single moms group or join one for support and encouragement and pick up your bible to read what God has to say about you.
Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
- You matter because you are leaving a legacy for your children. Read the stories of Godly mothers such as Hannah, Mary (mother to Jesus) and Lois and Eunice. Lois passed her faith and parenting skills to Eunice who then passed them on to Timothy.
2 Timothy 1:5 – When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also.”
- You matter because you have been given a purpose in this very short life. Maybe you have been told too many times in your life that you are worthless or you have been made to feel that you are worthless. Maybe you have been told this so many times that you now tell yourself…you believe it as truth. You deserve to be hit, belittled, insulted and embarrassed. This is the enemy at work. And the enemy thrives within our belief of his lies. He is manipulative and crafty and knows just where to strike within our most vulnerable areas in our souls. The enemy is overjoyed to have your biggest critic, your biggest threat be a part of your life or share your home. God promises us that all of this is a lie. You are deserving of so much more and you have never been nor will you ever be worthless in this world or in our Father’s eyes.
Psalm 18:2 The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
- You matter because you are fully loved. Seek and understand the true meaning of love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is no self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. THIS is love. I am certain this is the type of love you want your children to experience. So it has to start with you creating a healthy and loving home environment. Even if it means you do it alone. You are loved more than you can ever realize, regardless of your past, regardless of anything you feel you have done wrong, you are loved. YOU MATTER to this world.
Romans 8:18 The PAIN that you have been feeling can not compare to the JOY that’s coming.
- You matter because you were made for better things. Maybe you rely on him for financial reasons. There are many, many resources out there to assist you and your children. Start with your local church. An abusive relationship can and will do much more damage to a child. Or maybe you are afraid to leave. You’re afraid of what he may do to you and your kids if you leave but staying puts your life at risk as well. Your LIFE matters. You can choose another way.
Exodus 23:22 If you listen carefully to what he says and do all that I say, I will be an enemy to your enemies and will oppose those who oppose you.
I know there are many reasons, psychological, physical, whatever the reasons, I pray that you will turn to Christ and allow His truths to recreate you, fight for you and strengthen you. I just wanted you to know that YOU MATTER to MANY including ME.
Jeremiah 29:13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.